When God Use Us He Prepares Us

Page 13-There has been times in my life when God had me to move on His behalf; as His vessel and I would try to practice how I would act or what I would say. Those were the times when my heart would race faster than a marathon runner and my stomach would feel like gravity was pulling it down to the deepest of the sea. 

I would be so nervous that I couldn’t eat or sleep and would sit on the toilet for what seemed like centuries.

During these moments, I knew about God’s power and I trusted in His power, yet my faith needed increasing. Although I am a believer, there are so many levels in our faith.

I had to learn to listen for God’s instructions versus operating from my flesh. See, God is spirit and when He use us, we operate in the spirit realm. In doing so, there is no need to attempt to prepare what we will say or what we will do. When God use us, He prepares us; equipping us with everything we need to get His work done.

Listen

Page 12-I was always an independent thinker, I’d like to consider it. But in all actuality, as I got older, I discovered I had a spirit of rebellion growing up inside me. This spirit caused me to believe that my way was the only way because it was the best way. In conducive to this, no one could tell me anything if it wasn’t aligned with my way of doing things. The spirit of rebellion brought on a spirit of arrogance. These two caused me to miss out on plenty of goodness and greatness God sent my way. However, God did not intend for me to be a victim or feel victimized. As a matter of fact, His intention for me was the opposite. I am to be victorious! God allowed His glory to shine upon me so that I may become a living witness of His goodness and kindness; His unconditional love, peace, faithfulness and the joy we receive from His Holy Spirit. But first, I had to learn to listen. Then I had to listen so I could learn...of Him, from Him and for Him.

Don’t Isolate Love

Page 11-I recall a time when God sent a messenger to reveal this message to me: YOU BETTER RECEIVE YOUR BLESSINGS THE WAY GOD SEND THEM TO YOU!

Every since receiving this message, I’ve been receiving my blessings as they come. I read in His Word that He will bless those who bless me (Genesis 12:3). So receiving my blessings from others causes them who bless me to be blessed too. Who am I to prevent these gifts from above from happening?

So now I come as a messenger with a message for you who read and accept this:

At first, I would deny “help” from others. I call myself not being a burden. It could have been pride though.

What’s wrong with you...feeling all sad and down? When God send people to love on you and comfort you, you reject them and turn them away.

It’s time to put that nonsense to an end. How He gon bless you with what you want and you can’t even appreciate when He bless you with what you need.

He’s preparing you so lift your head up and get ready get ready get ready! Listen, because love can not be isolated.

When God Reveals

Page 10-I began to question God-which when I was younger I was taught not to do-and God begin to reveal His plan to me. For so long, I wanted to do it my way. I thought I had it all figured out. But oh was I so wrong. I was like a dog chasing its own tail; going around and around attempting to capture things that couldn’t be captured. Working hard to achieve that which was not meant for me; not in God’s plan for my life; not my purpose. Some things that I desired God allowed me to acquire temporarily just to show me (to allow me to see) that it wasn’t for me. 

The more I trusted Him, the more God revealed to me about my life. God’s revelations were so clear, the confusion begin to decease. And so did all the other bad spirits that came along with confusion...such as anger, anxiety, depression, doubt, frustration, stress, worry, etc. The coverings were beginning to fall from my eyes. I was awakening; no longer was I blinded.  God was inspiring me to be who He created me to be by showing me my purpose. Being inspired by God is one of the most powerful revelations ever.  Knowing your purpose is included in that powerful revelation. I can only describe it as the clearing of a fog. Or perhaps when you clean the lense of your phone camera; the picture becomes much much brighter; clear-no longer a blur.

When I Don’t Know I Ask

Page 9-I just got tired of being confused. I got tired of being lost. I got tired of sinking; tired of doing what I wanted to do the way I wanted to do things. I got tired of the pain from making the same mistakes over and over again. I got tired of being rebellious. I just got tired. And so, I surrendered to God’s Will for my life. After asking God why was I here on this Earth, I began asking God for more truth until finally, I decided that I was just going to trust in Him. I asked God to lead & guide me in the paths of righteousness for His Name’s sake. My life began to shift. God was moving for and in my life. I asked Him to because I got tired of not knowing.

Stationed Not Stuck

Page 8-See when God positions you, He also places you. And with that, He provides for you and He protects you. This is what I call PURPOSE. 

I had my own plan for how my life would be: where and how I would live. But remember earlier, I talked about God’s plan and how it was greater than mine...well, sure enough, my plan was different from God’s plan. God had placed me in this location back in 1994. Back then, I thought it was my determination to get my own place that had landed me here. All the time, it was God positioning me in my “wilderness” (a settled place for me to get prepared for the bigger purpose).

At first, I didn’t know what I know now (naturally) so the many times I had attempted to move and could not, those were the times I felt defeated and stuck. When I knew that I was stationed (positioned) and not stuck (pitiful), I knew that my purpose was bigger than my ideas. The only way I knew was because I questioned God: “why am I here? What is my purpose on Your Earth?”

Page 9-When I Don’t Know I Ask-2 days

Page 10-When God Reveals-Monday

Grow on to Go on

I know page 7 was suppose to come yesterday but since yesterday was Sunday, I waited til today so I’ll be posting Mon-Wed-Fri ok?

Page 7-I’m so grateful God’s plan was greater than mine. Many times I was challenged to grow up and go on. I felt like I was stuck. It seemed like the harder I tried, the more I got knocked down. The more I got back up, the harder I’d get knocked back down. I cried so many times because I wanted to give up, but there was this passion that burned so fiercely in me; it kinda forced me to go on. And I’m glad it did force me because it caused a growth in me that, of course, I wasn’t aware of. I grew in all aspects. I had this new strength ( or maybe it was always there but was never challenged enough to come through) that begin knocking down emotions of depression and pity. This strength was like a shield that would block anything that was attempting to stop me. Even my negative thoughts had to go. Revelations and dreams began getting clearer. It was like “oh now I can see...see.”  I didn’t feel stuck anymore.

Page 8-2 days

See, God had a better plan

Page 6- The reason why I had to keep on going is because if I would have stayed stuck in my wanting what I wanted versus receiving what I needed, I would have never known the height and width of God’s plan for my life. According to His plan, I was thinking way too petty and small for the purpose God created me for and was preparing me for. The magnitude of God’s plan required me to go through the levels, processes and steps I had to go through so I’d reach where He was taking me to. This plan and purpose of God’s (for my life) required much more than what I had previously learned. Things that I inherited from my upbringing and that which was taught to me through culture and society...some of it, if not most, had to be torn down and uprooted so that I may learn the necessaries for the next levels. This process of being re-educated is no fancy field. It is much work requiring a willing mind and heart. Every moment is worth it because see...God’s plan was bigger than mine.

Page 7 in 2 days

No Matter What

Page 5- It was hard coming to grip with reality. When you’re used to having your way and getting what you want, rejection is a big horse pill to swallow without liquid. I did everything my dignity would allow...to have it my way. I even crossed some boundaries. I threw pride away. I invited prayer in on a consistent basis. I was changing. I was pushing through barriers, limits and restrictions. I was facing defeat, doubt and fear. I was becoming more determined, persistent and stronger. I was no longer backing down or giving up. For the first time in my life, I was fighting and I was fighting fierce! I was fighting hard! And I was fighting long! I got knocked down so many times. But no matter what, I had to keep getting up and I had to keep going. And the more I kept going, the more I was learning to release useless weight. And I notice that the more I let go, greater was I receiving. 

Page 6 in 2 days.

Needs vs. Wants

Page 4- I was so used to using what I had to get what I wanted. I know we all do this; but that doesn’t make it right. As a matter of fact, many of us don’t even know what we want. We may have an idea of what we want, but on a level deeper than the surface, we don’t really know. For example, I knew I wanted love...an unconditional loyal type love. A love that never ended; one that death could not do apart; one that air could not come between. Yet, I didn’t know who was capable of handling me on that level. So anyone who showed attention; gave me some of their time...I was drawn. I knew money didn’t matter. And even though attention & quality time was of essence for me, I rushed in it-not wanting to waste none of it. Little did I know, time was the true measurer of character traits such as loyalty, respect, stability, trust, etc.

Boy was I in for a big surprise-which included illnesses;sicknesses; and diseases, in deciding what I wanted and who I wanted-over the years. I definitely do not consider the big surprise a waste of time; and I’ve matured to have no regrets. For because of these life lessons of love, I now know that it’s not what I want that matters, it’s what I need that sustains me through this journey. I may not get what I want all the time, but I always get what I need. Always!

Page 5 in 2days

First Thing First

Page 3-I’m back! Ima day late for page 3. I gotta work on my consistency more. The more focused, the more distractions 🥴 but I’m too determined that the old saying “better late than never” is an unacceptable unnecessary. Too many times of allowing myself to get away with the things I don’t like about others only delay my goals and create a place of complacency. Eventually, settling sinks in from being so judgmental that I don’t hold my own self accountable. How hypocritical, according to others’ definitions of a hypocrite.

My definition of that word has everything to do with my relationship with my God, myself and the one I chose to love the hell out of-which by the way, I think he ended up loving more hell outta me than I had chose to love out of him. Ultimately, I had to learn how to define faithfulness. It was mandatory to discover what faithfulness is and what it actually meant: boundaries were needed and first... I had to stop flirting with the enemy. 

2 days, page 4

Setting Boundaries

Page 2-Okay, I’m back. What is Love? I wanted to know, so I had to slow down and brace myself to begin the discovery process. And what I discovered was much much different from what I was taught. Throughout the process, I learned that love is an unconditional commitment with boundaries. What? Even God set boundaries and there’s no love greater than that! Oh and while we’re on the subject, let me give honor, glory, praise and thanksgiving to my Father in Heaven for everything in the Name of my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. Because of my passion for These, I was privileged to have God’s Holy Spirit to intervene on my behalf; in leading and guiding me through the process of learning the real meaning of what is love. 

Now back to what I saying: I had to learn about setting boundaries around the borders of love. Otherwise, you’d get played with. Especially by people whom you’re trying to love who has the slightest clue of what love is...just like yourself. Without boundaries, collisions occur. Things would run amuck and get out of control (I’ve learned that it’s ok to lose control sometimes but not too often and especially if you’re unable to bounce back in a timely fashion -boundaries). I had to unlearn what I learned about love as a child and relearn what love is and it’s meaningful purpose. I had to crawl, then walk through the self experience lesson of why boundaries are necessary with love...unconditional love that is.

That’s it for now. I’ll be back with page 3 in 2 days.

Still For Love

Page 1-It’s been a long time since I’ve been here. I was finding myself and finding out more about love. Wow! What an amazing journey. I can’t say that it’s been all peaches and cream. There has been some moments that I know for sure without a doubt that if it wasn’t for the strength of the Lord, I would have lost my mind and heart. But God!

I had chose and decided to love the hell out of someone. It was ordained, but I had to accept (by choosing) the mission.

I could have easily neglected/rejected it. Well not so easy because see, the way God had set it up was so that I would see the best in it (which was the ending) but the way I “saw” it, it was the beginning. So I was all in: heart mind body soul!

This is the beginning of a long journey.

I’ll call this page 1 of many more pages to come. So stay tuned because I gotta story to tell.

I think I’ll come back in two days for consistency purposes only 😁